Category: Hear No Evil - See No Evil
Back by unpopular demand
Stoffel’s Guide to Snazzy Responses to Thoughtless People: Deaf-Blind Edition
© 2010 S. M. Stoffel
Don’t you just hate it when people ask stupid questions or do thoughtless things that make your life more miserable than it already is? You’d love to give those idiots a piece of your mind, but, alas, you haven’t enough left to spare a slice.
Take it from me: When you’re deaf-blind, those knuckleheads seem to have taken over the Earth. It’s time to fight back! We can’t take any more of this crap! Here are some snazzy responses with which you can deck the dorks.
When people say, “You’re deaf? Oh, I’m so sorry!” …
You say, “I agree totally.”
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When people keep shouting at you in a public place, even though you’re deaf …
You shout, “No, I don’t have a vibrator you can borrow!”
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When people comment that your poor spouse must have to take care of all your needs …
You yell, “Honey! My Depends need changing!”
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When people leave the dishwasher door open, even though they know you can’t see well …
You leave a thumbtack on their chair.
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When people keep talking to you through another person and saying, “Tell him I said …”
You say to the middleman, “Tell him I said, ‘Screw you!’ ”
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When people don’t believe you are deaf, because you can speak …
You tell them you don’t believe they’re coherent, because they keep saying stupid things.
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When people run their sprinkles too close to the sidewalk …
You pee on their lawn.
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When people grab your white cane and ask what you use it for …
You say, “Unclogging toilets.”
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When people ask you how they can ask deaf people if they can hear in sign language …
You point at them and smack a fist to your forehead.
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When people stare at you …
You put both hands on their face and say, “This is how blind people stare.”
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When people grab your arm and ask if you need help …
You say, “Yes! Can you make the idiot holding my arm let go?”
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When people ask if you can hear thunder …
You ask them if they can smell a rainbow.
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When people ask why you don’t wear hearing aids …
You ask them why they don’t wear dunce caps.
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When people ask if you read Stoffel’s Guide …
You say, “Of course! Where do you think I get all these snazzy responses?”
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Get a collection of humor columns in Stoffel’s Guide Volume 1 from Amazon.com.
LOL this is some good stuff!
exactly! that's why I asked if I could share it to which he said yes ! just lol!
Hahahaha! Some good ones in there.
lol, good ones.
lol will be using one or two of these! tuy for shareing
When someone aks: have you been blind all your life? You say: have you been sticking your fat face in to other people's personal business all of yours?
KC8PNL , I hope no one akses, anyone. lol
Some of these are just rude, but there are some good ones in here. My favorite was "can you smell a rainbow."